Connecting with Human Impediments

ANTI-TRANSFORMATION AGENTS

Some of the best advice I’ve ever received was about how I perceive and engage with the most notorious of anti-transformation agents, “human blockers” or H.B.s. You’ve probably worked with them before – they’re usually the last people you want to have that difficult conversation with, even though they’re probably the ones who need it the most.

If you’re like me, you studiously avoid the H.B.s in your life. You’ve probably spoken with your therapist about how there are certain people in your work context who have incredibly negative energy, and you’ve talked through self-help strategies for how to protect yourself. This is simply an expression of your survival instinct. Why expend energy on conversations you know will lead nowhere, particularly when there is so much work to be done? Why not choose to focus where you can make a real impact?

AVOIDANCE IS NOT THE WAY TO GO

Losing one of my first coaching contracts shook me out of this complacency. Things seemed to be going well. After three hard-working months, I had very positive feedback from the teams and managers I was directly working with. We had made progress, but there was still so much more we could do together. When the time for contract renewal arrived, I didn’t think twice about it being renewed. To my surprise and dismay, I learned that my role was to be ingloriously subsumed into a larger outside consultancy contract. I was officially, and quite suddenly, out of work.

After peeling my flattened ego off the floor, I soon realised that in my heartfelt coaching efforts, I had completely neglected the person who held my fate in his hands. He was both the decider of all things contractual, and coincidentally, the greatest impediment to our daily transformation efforts. Over time, I had given up hope that this person could ever be swayed to think differently, particularly in the realm of how he chose to show up as a leader. In response, I chose to focus my energy on serving the teams and guiding their managers, and largely ignored this person who so clearly, in retrospect, needed help. I routinely avoided him in the interests of emotional self-preservation, and as a result I shortchanged both the teams I was coaching and my own professional well-being.

One of my first “aha” moments took place in a training co-taught by none other than Lyssa Adkins, Agile Coach Extraordinaire. She asked us whether we viewed certain people in our work contexts as sporting a giant “I” in the middle of their foreheads, Scarlet Letter-esque, for “Impediment.” I knew my answer. This man was one of them, but there had been others - and my gut was convinced that my future would hold even more.

ENGAGE WITH IMPEDIMENTS

Lyssa shared that if we continued to label our potential coachees this way, we were walling them off from ourselves. By choosing not to engage, we were defaulting to protectionism and self-defense, rather than courageously offering vulnerability and connection. While there were reasons why it made sense to focus elsewhere, at the end of the day, the decision to ignore ultimately harmed more than it helped. In many instances, these are the people who would benefit most from our attention or who could become our most powerful, meaningful allies. We would never know unless we engaged.

This person in your context may be the development manager who has used command-and-control-style leadership successfully in the past and is loath to kiss it goodbye. They may be the star technical team member who prefers to go it alone. They may be the team’s scrum master, burned out by change fatigue and challenging personalities, whose default mode has become “business as usual.” Or they may be the senior sponsor for your business line, inaccessible and powerful, who has not “walked the floor” in many years.

WIPE THE SLATE CLEAN

Whoever this person may be, they deserve your compassionate attention as much as anyone else. The barriers to engage may be high, but the personal and emotional awards on both sides can be extraordinary. If you are serious about helping the people you coach, I encourage you to recognise who you have labeled an Impediment, acknowledge the reasons, and then consciously choose to wipe that slate clean. Doing so will open you up to a range of relationships, experiences, and professional results you never knew were possible.

Are you ready to work with your team to create the culture that you want? Join us for one of our group coaching programs on teamwork and collaboration where we cover this and many other topics.

Learn More

About the Author:

SARAH FRIEDMAN-CINTRON

Connect with us