New Year. Same You.

It’s a new year, and I can’t help but think of resolutions. I haven’t made any of course, but I feel that constant need to be a better person today than I was yesterday – the need that drives people to commit to some measure of betterment. If asked, I would say: 

“Today I am going to be one step closer to the person I want to be; the potential I represent.”

I would then quickly recognize that by tomorrow I may be 50 steps further back, or take a huge leap forward, or most likely have no idea where I am in that continuum.  The only resolve worthwhile on any day is that you aim to take one step closer to better; to start or complete some action that feels right; to strive for an outcome that is good and just. If tomorrow brings disaster or destruction or if all your good work simply does not deliver the desired result, well that is just life (fate, kismet, divinity), and it should not be the measure by which you judge your efforts. 

Can you help yourself?

I have a huge collection of books you could categorize as ‘self-help.’ I have read most of them more than once. I think any really good book is worth reading many times. The best are those that reinforce this point – that we cannot simply read and become great. There is work involved, often a lifetime of it. There are no quick fixes, and equally there is no shame in going backwards or in failing to be the best you can be all of the time.

While I love to read, there is just no substitute for doing. It is our actions, in practicing the breaking of old habits and forming better alternatives that offers our only chance to improve.  But we are hard-wired to find the easiest path through life. Biological impulses want us to minimize conscious attention so that we have the greatest amount of free mental capacity on tap at any given moment should our survival depend upon it. What our survival instincts lead us inevitably towards are…

Forming bad habits

We are so good at it. We are so focused that we often fail to notice when we are forming poor habits; habits that allow us to pass quick judgements on others, or those that keep our brain fed with short-term happiness signals while our long-term health suffers. The more unconscious we become, the more likely we are to indulge addictions, often denying to ourselves that they have become so. You might think that provided your habits do no real harm, that there is no real harm in them. But every habit holds you back. They steal the one thing you have so little of - time. Each unconscious action falls through the waist of your life’s hourglass unnoticed and can never be recovered.

Inventing the future from the past

Imagination is one of our greatest gifts. When it leads us to innovation it can unlock beautiful things. But it is a relentless machine, that when given no compulsion to lift us from poverty or stave off disaster, is still determined to script the future so that we live it as efficiently as possible as it becomes the present. The problem with this is the raw material it must work with – our past. Have you ever wondered why problems that you encounter, and arguments you engage in seem to come around again and again? We are so naturally efficient that we envisage only what we have already experienced (in yourself or others). People cycle this way, as does civilization, turning the past into the future, and bequeathing it to our children.  

The uncomfortable truth

Unless you become a Buddhist monk you are unlikely to avoid habit forming actions so focus on forming good ones. You will also always be inclined to imagine your future and you have little to work beside your past. But there are strategies you can practice to minimize the damage and harness the potential of your imagination engine.

Mindfulness is your friend

Focus on the here and now. Accept that both past and future are irrelevant, and you will have both peace and a space to operate that is not pre-loaded with the mistakes you’ve already made. When done often and incorporated into the actions of your day, it improves your ability to make decisions solely based on what you have right in front of you. You can always evaluate your choices and decide that some situations actually benefit from pre-judgement. But be careful. You are designed to trick yourself into believing it is always the best way. 

Do 3 simple things today:

• Eat like you will need to write a book about it. Experience a meal one bite at a time, putting down the cutlery and resting your hands as you chew and swallow each mouthful. Don’t watch or read anything while you eat. Be conscious of the movement of your jaw; the texture and taste of your food; the way your body responds. Don’t aim to return your hand to your fork until all your mouth and your muscles have nothing left to work with.

• Walk like you don’t know where you are going. Notice some of the steps in your day. It could be climbing the stairs, going to make tea, or walking round the block. Feel your feet as they touch the ground in each step. Heel first, moving forwards as you push gently into the next step, the ground pressing into you as gravity pulls you to it. You can still be aware of everything around you – but allow the desire to focus to pass by, as you return to your steps.  

• Listen like your life depends on it. Have a conversation with someone without doing anything else. Put your hands in your lap (or pockets) and focus on what the other person is saying. Think about the words and the meaning. If you can see them then take the opportunity to study their expressions. Imagine their needs, objectives, and challenges. Put yourself into their position; everything they might need becoming something you can imagine yourself needing. Ask yourself how you might help; how would you want someone to help you in that situation. Then act on it. Doing the right thing is more powerful than anything you might read or say. It’s what we are built for – action.  

Begin as if it was the very end

So here we are, moving through another new year. Perhaps without really knowing any more than we did the last time. As we are reminded constantly at present, we might not get another shot. The time we waste today could be the closing seconds of our lives. Even if it’s not, the best thing you can do is to start living as if right now is all you have. Leave nothing unfinished. Give everything your best. Do nothing that does not add value to the world.

Life is a mirror, and you should look deeply into it. Study your reflection closely looking at your thoughts and actions in the world looking back at you. This is all you have that you can fairly pass judgement on. So, make your best stand today. Do your best work. Love openly and honestly. If you manage one day or one minute, you will have made a difference. 

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About the Author:

KYLE RICHARDSON

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