Wherever you go, there you are

I’m a long way from home as I write this (international travel is a thing again), but I’m aware I can only see the world through the same eyes, the same preconceptions. Perspective can be a gift, but it requires some change and acceptance, a temporary suspension of self-belief even, if it is to be anywhere close to fresh.

“Wherever you go, there you are” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

You cannot ever walk away from yourself. The best and worst of you is something you always have to show up for, even when you may be regretting a choice you made or wishing you could turn back the clock. There are ways to try and escape yourself; to distance reality with substances or activities that may cloud the mind or divert attention. It is, however, a hollow and ultimately unsatisfying promise. It has been said that our greatest challenge can also be our greatest superpower and being personally inescapable can be that for sure. At any time, we have the ability to really be present with our ‘self’. Looking inward you will find the breath, a heartbeat, the sensation of your feet on the floor, the air against your skin. There are myriad ways to focus your attention on the here and now. In doing so, you have the opportunity to find joy and happiness; to become perfectly at peace, not in spite of, but alongside whatever the world lays upon your shoulders.

It’s ok to give me a sideways look at this point. I’m talking about joy and happiness and for all I know, as you’re reading this, you are facing financial ruin, loss of a loved one, or a chronic illness. My experience is not your experience, but to paraphrase one of my favourite scientists and authors, Amishi Jha, I have experienced birth, loss, pain, joy, and will eventually experience death – just like you. So, whatever you are going through, many others have surely gone through it, and perhaps at least one of them has found a way to flourish while in the thick of it.

“Today I escaped from the crush of circumstances, or better put, I threw them out, for the crush wasn’t from outside me but in my own assumptions.” – Marcus Aurelius

It’s fair to say that the circumstances of life can be a heavy weight, a crushing force that while it may land upon your spirit, can at times seem a physical weight, dragging you downward. What would it be like if you could pause, and choose how you would wish to receive whatever comes your way? I am not so foolish as to suggest that this choice would be easy; that such simplicity could tempt you yet cruelly elude your conscious control is a given. I do believe, however, and have in small ways been able to make that choice, and as that philosopher king once reminded himself, these liberations are a reality that can be chosen. This turning inward can be a consciously learnt behaviour. Neuroplasticity is the scientific term – a proven ability for the human brain to change in both structure and function. While this was previously seen only as a childhood development cycle, recent mapping of brain development as part of mindfulness research has shown that adult brains can both grow in size and change pre-existing neural pathways.

It begins with you

So, let’s bring this back to where we began – you. The first step in turning toward a different potential experience of life is to start with yourself; to understand that you are not broken and in need of fixing, but simply untrained and ready for development. Mindfulness as a discipline, asks only that you take a few minutes from each day to connect with yourself. It only works if you do the practice, but you can begin to see results in just a few weeks. There is no requirement to ‘master’ or ‘win.’ It is enough to consistently turn up, to be present. Once you have practiced being present and aware in a place and time of your own choosing, you will find that you can be just as calm and focused in times of great stress and uncertainty. Eventually, over time, the structure of your brain will change to support your practice, making it easier to be at peace; strengthening your ability to perform at your best while

When you start with yourself, you can be present in the midst of chaos, or stress, or uncertainty. And that can make an enormous difference not just for you, but also for the people you love, the people you work with, even those you interact with once and never see again. And it means that you can be in a difficult situation, fully, and know that you have the cognitive resources to get through it.

It only works if you do the practice!

Something we know for sure: learning about attention helps. Just reading this helps. Still, it’s not enough. If you want to reap the benefits of mindfulness training, you’ll need to give yourself a certain dose of mindfulness practice. Mindfulness practice actually changes the structure of your brain in ways that are beneficial to gaining awareness and control over your attention. And what you attend to dictates your experience of life!

Compassionate presence

1. Sit quietly, upright with good posture

2. Breath deeply for a few breaths and relax – let the room around you fade

3. Close your eyes or lower your eyelids to have a soft gaze in front of you, if that’s more comfortable

4. Breathe normally and be aware of your breath as it comes in and goes out – not controlling it – just noticing

5. Hold a vision of yourself in your mind – see yourself without judgement or concern

6. Now remember an earlier version of yourself, as far back as you can go – the child you once were

7. Picture yourself holding the hand of that child and walking with them in this quiet place

8. Say these words in your mind to your younger self, slowly and deliberately several times: I am here for you. I care for you. I am happy to know you

9. Now think again of yourself in the present, and say the same phrases to yourself, again and again: I am here for you. I care for you. I am happy to know you.

10. Think about the meaning behind the words – hold this image of yourself gently and kindly as you say them

11. When you’re ready open your eyes again and come back to the present moment

If you want some more help with this particular exercise, with self-compassion and awareness, then join my guided meditation on the Agility For All YouTube channel.

About the Author:

KYLE RICHARDSON

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